Thursday, November 9, 2017

I know the plans //

Have you ever been in a room that is full of people? Bodies touching each other, sweating, totally hit waves swimming through the air? In these situations you feel trapped, like your stuck in a jello bowl. 

That is how my semester has felt. Like I am swimming in a big bowl of jello. I have been constantly busy, running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I am balancing my school load (classes & assignments), work (now three departments at SRM), a social life, sorority, church events, and a relationship with the most caring soul. 

But boy am I struggling!! I have been busy for so long, that I am focused more on myself lately than others around me. I have this huge test that I have to pass in order to teach and it is kicking me in the rump. I have studied and studied but I still can't seem to retain the knowledge. I took the test for the fourth time yesterday and again, I did not pass. At first, I was angry. Angry at myself, at standardized testing, at life. After the anger passed, it turned into a gloomy sad cloud. I was depressed. This test is the deciding factor for my teaching placement and timing. I am have strived for the passed four years to student teach the spring of 2018. I have worked over time hours, taken course overload, I am be determined for this to happen. Then it hit me like a load of bricks. This has all been MY plan. The plan I have worked for, but God might have a completely different plan for me. Maybe I am suppose to wait or maybe He is showing me something that I cannot yet see. 

And just in the blink of an eye, my thought process changed. Not that I have given up, I am still striving toward my goal of student teaching in the spring, but my focus is beginning to finally shift off of myself and onto what God wants. I am been praying more (even though it was just yesterday), reflecting more on what is happening around me and realizing that with that, it would not be the end of the world if I were to push things back a semester. I do not WANT to, but God is in control. I was finally reminded of the verse in the old testament: 

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope for the future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Keep your focus on things that are above, 

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Calm in a storm //

One year ago around this time, my right side of my face went completely numb. After visiting the emergency room, multiple doctors, and a chiropractor I was informed that the facial numbness was a nerve, similar to bells pausey but without the pause. During these multitude of doctor visits, we were also informed that my sugar levels were high. While at the emergency room they found sugar in my urine & told me I needed to get it checked out by my regular doctor. So I had my first of many A1C tests done. My levels came back as pre-diabetic at first but the second time my A1C was a little higher. My mom then decided it was time to see an endocrinologist to get to the bottom of the issue.
In the fall, I began seeing yet another doctor. He suggested that it was a good idea to have a fasting glucose tolerance test done (this is a horrible experience). 
After receiving these results, my endocrinologist diagnosed me with lipodystrophy. This is a very rare disease that affects the fat tissue in your body. So in simple terms, I have fat growing on my organs rather than where they're suppose to be. This is the cause of my diabetes (which I'm now declared as type one), my high cholesterol, and my other many issues to come. 
As of now, I'm only feeling joint pains from where the fat will sometimes build on my joints and cramp up but other than that I feel pretty good. I am on 2 medicines as of now and have to take my sugar twice a day. My family & I are choosing to look at the brightest picture possible through this storm but we know it is all part of God's big picture. We are praising Jesus that we finally have answers to the lingering questions and that we have wonderful doctors who take my health & my parents numerous questions so seriously. The Maker is such a calm presence in the time of a troubling storm.

Thank you for all your prayers & happy lipodystrophy awareness day. 
Xoxo, R.